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5 CATEGORY – Same Picture
5 ARTIST'S CHOICE
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Where do you stand in the fight for Beacon Hills? Are you a proud hunter or a determined werewolf? Join beacon_hills, an interactive challenge comm for MTV's Teen Wolf and find out. The very 2nd Phase is starting and it'd be great fun to have some new member join in the fun.
You can either become a Hunter or a Werewolf, but both team are great and you'll have fun with which every one you are sorted into.
Apply here, let them know I sent you | Got a question? Ask here
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Tonight his heart is racing. He is frantically searching through folders on Luke’s computer looking for anything to confirm his suspicions. He’s pretty deep into it clicking folders inside of folders inside of folders. When he clicks on the next one and inside is another folder that is untitled. Reid is about to go back but something tells him to go a little bit deeper. He clicks on the first file in the untitled folder and it’s an email. From Noah. As soon as his eyes scan over that name his blood starts to boil. This is exactly what he had been looking for. Exactly what he had been hoping not to find.
He spends the next hour clicking on file after file going through months of emails between Luke and Noah. Some of them are harmless catching up but some are something more. The one he is looking at right then is one from Luke to Noah. Luke goes on and on about how frustrated he has been with Reid. About how busy Reid has been with work. And how they seem to be drifting apart. In the next one Luke details a fight that the two of them had a few weeks ago. Tells him how lonely he feels now. Tells him that he doesn’t know what to do. In this one there is a response from Noah. Noah tries to reassure Luke at first. Tries to make excuses about why Reid is not around more. But that was all just a premise. Something to get him built up so that he could really tear him down. Noah goes on to say that maybe it’s for the best. That they were never right for each other anyway. He suggests that Luke needs some time away. That he has a spare bedroom if he ever needs somewhere to go. He’s just finishing Noah’s response when Luke walks into the room.
“What are you doing?” Luke looks at him accusingly and that sets Reid off.
“What am I doing? What the hell are you doing, Luke?!?” Reid turns the laptop so that Luke can see what he had been looking at. “What the fuck is this Luke?”
“It’s nothing. Noah and I have been emailing each other.” Luke storms towards him and snatches the laptop slamming it shut.
“Nothing? Really, Luke?” Reid gets up and walks towards Luke. “If it’s nothing how come you have them buried so deep that an archeologist couldn’t find it?” Luke’s cheeks are tinted pink now and he scowls at Reid turning away from him and walking out of the room. Reid follows him. “How long has this been going on? How long have you been keeping this from me?”
“Keeping it from you? God Reid!” Luke drags a hand through his hair roughly. “You act like I’ve been cheating on you. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a few emails.” Reid huffs out a breath.
“Then why were you hiding them? Why didn’t you tell me you were back in contact with him?” Luke’s eyes dart back and forth across the room like he is searching for an answer.
“I wasn’t hiding them. I just didn’t think it was important enough to tell you.” They are in the living room now and Luke sits on the edge of the couch dropping his elbows to his knees.
“Not important enough? I thought we told each other everything. I thought that was one of our rules?” Reid paces back and forth in front of the couch. “You said you didn’t want to end up like your parents. Like every other couple in this town. You said you wanted us to share everything. To never lie to each other. What happened to that, Luke? What happened to us?” Reid was facing him now with that pleading look in his eyes.
“What happened to us? Your job Reid. That’s what happened to us. You are never here anymore. And when you are you come home late and go straight to bed.” Luke sat back now looking straight at Reid. “When was I supposed to tell you about it? When am I supposed to tell you about anything. Every time I call you all I get is your voicemail.” Luke looked down at his hands that were clasped tightly in his lap. “I just needed someone to talk to. And Noah…” He lets out a sigh. “Noah was there.”
“How was I supposed to know that you needed me if you don’t tell me?”
“I shouldn’t have to tell you Reid! You should just know!” Luke is so mad that he has propelled himself off of the couch now and is standing nose to nose with Reid.
“I may know the brain inside and out but I’m not a fucking mind reader. I can’t solve a problem that I don’t know about.” Reid sees the anger flare in Luke’s eyes.
“How can you not know that there is problem here, Reid?!? We don’t talk anymore, we don’t spend time together, we haven’t made love in weeks.” Luke drops his eyes to the floor and takes a step back. “We might as well not even live together if things are going to be like this.”
“What is that? Is that a threat Luke? You know I don’t respond well to threats so if I were you I would think very carefully about what you say next.” Luke goes from defeated back to angry in a matter of seconds and is back in Reid’s space crowding him against the arm of the couch.
“Oh I have, believe me. I have had nothing but time to think about all of this since you are never around. If anyone needs to choose their words carefully it’s you.” Luke has this maniacal look in his eyes now and Reid doesn’t even recognize him. Reid narrows his eyes at him.
“Or what? Are you going to go all ‘Luciano Grimaldi’ on me now?” Reid turns around and heads back up the stairs. By the time Luke catches up with him Reid has dug his duffle bag out of the closet and is stuffing clothes into it not even caring if he has everything he needs.
Luciano. Luke. The blond from his dreams and the blond from his reality meld together and just like that it’s back. All of it. The pieces have finally come back together and he remembered everything. Remembered going to Oakdale. Meeting Luke. Falling in love. Creating a life. And most of all he remembered how it all ended. Remembered how it all fell apart. All of the lies and yelling and heartache came flooding back and he couldn’t help but get swept up in it all. He felt it all like it was yesterday. He remembered what it was like to have to come back to Dallas and beg for his job back. How he had spent months trying to piece his life and his heart back together. Eventually his life had started to resemble something normal but his heart. His heart was beyond repair.
And just as fast as he remembered everything he had lost he also remembered everything that had happened since. He remembered Luke coming to visit him every day. He remembered him lying to him over and over. Pretending to be someone he’s not. Pretending as if they had never met. And suddenly he was furious. Suddenly the pain of the lies in their past meld with the frustration of the lies of the present and he could barely contain how angry he was.
Of course that is the moment that Luke chooses to walk through the door. Big dopey smile and messy blond hair pretending as if everything is normal. As if him coming to visit a ‘complete stranger’ every day is just something he does. As if the bond that has formed between them over the last couple of months is something new and exciting instead of something that has always been there. Something that was there long before they met and would be there long after they parted.
And that was what had always bugged Reid about how everything came together for them. When he first walked up to him in the hall of Memorial. It was as if he was coming home. As if everything he had done in his life had been leading him to that moment. And it scared him. It scared him so much that instead of trying to figure it out he decided to defy it instead. He decided that he would hate Luke Snyder. Unfortunately for him that didn’t hold up very long.
When Luke saw the expression on Reid’s face his smile faded and he stopped. He searched those blue eyes for that thing that had been missing since seeing him again. That thing that had started to find its way back over the last few days. Luke could never pinpoint when exactly it had started but one day behind all of the biting comments and the animosity there was a light in Reid’s eyes when he looked at Luke. There was a recognition. A familiarity. There was that something that most couples searched for but very few ever found. There was acceptance. And as soon as Luke realized it. As soon as he knew that it was reflected in his eyes as well it was all over for him. Because try as he did to fight it there was nothing that would stop him from falling head over heels in love with Reid. Not that first time and not now.
When Luke tried to walk towards him Reid scooted back in the bed so far that he was flush against the head board and so he stopped. He held his hands up in mock surrender, “Reid.”
“Don’t Luke…just don’t.” Reid got out of the bed and put on his robe before storming across the room and locking himself in the bathroom. Reid felt like a child but he just didn’t care at the moment. He couldn’t bear to face him. He didn’t want to hear his explanations and he most definitely didn’t want to have to look into those deep brown eyes that were always pleading with him.
Luke followed placing his hands on the door as if that would somehow get him closer to Reid. “Reid, please.” Luke heard some shuffling around behind the door and let out a deep sigh as he rested his head against the door. “I know you’re mad. I know right now it seems like one big game to you. That all I have done over the past few weeks is lie to you.” Luke paused so that he could listen for a second but when he didn’t hear anything he continued. “It’s not like that Reid. It’s never been like that. If I could just explain. If I could make you understand…” the door opened then and Luke had to jump out the way as not to get run over.
“Understand? What is it exactly that you want me to understand Luke?” Reid’s eyes were bulged out and his face was red. Luke had seen him angry before but it had rarely been directed at him. Except for that night. “You want me to understand that you’ve lied to me again? That you’ve made a fool of me again?”
“No, Reid.” Luke reached out for him but Reid only backed away. “It wasn’t like that. I only wanted…” Luke’s words trailed off because for the life of him he couldn’t think of a way to explain what it was that he wanted. What he had hoped to gain from doing this. Because as much as he would like to maintain that it had all been for Reid. To help him get back his memories. To make him whole again. He couldn’t lie to him. Not now. Not about this.
“You see.” Reid holds up his hands as if all of the answers lie somewhere between them. “This is what I am talking about. You can’t even come up with a good excuse.” Reid turns and starts to walk out of his room but then stops when he remembers that this was his house. “I need you to leave Luke. I just…I…please just leave.” Luke’s eyes were welling up with tears as he looked at the man that he had loved for what seemed like forever. Everything had always felt that way with Reid. As if he had know him forever. Loved him forever. Needed him forever. Instead of continuing to argue with him he did as he was asked. He turned without another word and walked out of his room. Out of his house. Out of his life.
Several months later Reid was browsing in a book store that he frequented when a book on display caught his attention. Walking up to it he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw ‘Still feel you here’ by Luke Snyder. He thought at first it was a coincidence. That it was some other guy with the same name. But when he picked it up and turned it over there was Luke’s smiling face. That unbelievably happy smile that he used to get when Reid would surprise him by coming home early from work so they could spend some ‘quality time’ together. Those brown eyes seemed to pierce him right through his heart as it began to beat rapidly. The next thing he knew he was at the cash register buying the book and leaving without even getting what he came for. When he got home he set the book on his coffee table with a few medical journals that were already there and then went about his day.
The next day when he walked into the living room and took a seat on the couch the book was still there. It sat there on his coffee table annoyingly bright and calling out to him but Reid did his best to ignore it. Instead he picked up one of the medical journals underneath it and started flipping through the pages looking for an article that he hadn’t read already. A few minutes later he tossed the journal back onto the table remembering then that he had already read everything of interest in that one. Luke’s name on the front of the book seemed to grow larger and larger taunting him. Resisting its call he flipped the book over but that didn’t exactly help because instead of his name staring back at him there were those inviting eyes. Reid covered the book with the journal and left the room.
A couple days later Reid walked into the living room with a beer and a bowl of popcorn before settling on the couch to watch some TV. When he went to put his feet up on the coffee table he accidently kicked the book which landed on the floor open to a page near the end of the book. Reid had been avoiding the book at all costs over the past couple days which meant that he had been watching TV in his room instead of the living room. And even when he was in the living room it was only to pass through as quickly as possible. Reid picked the book up and suddenly felt the need to know. Going to a paragraph on the open page he began reading:
Landon had always hated plans. Mostly because nothing ever went as planned. Everything eventually breaks and in the end all he could do was say goodbye. The problem was that he had never wanted Reece out of his life. He only ever wanted a life with him. A life that they could build together in love where they were both free to be who they were and love each other despite whatever flaws they thought the other had. From the very beginning they had planned on forever but of course since that was the plan it hadn’t gone that way.
When they first met they saw each other. Not in that artificial way that couples always claim to do. But really saw each other. What was inside. What they were capable of not only apart but together as well. Landon always liked to joke that they could bottle what they had together and sell it. Reece would only laugh and shake his head in response. Landon couldn’t help but think if only he had a bottle of it now. Maybe, just maybe it would repair everything that had gone wrong between them.
As much as Landon tried to move on something would always bring him back to Reece. It wasn’t until later. After everything that had happened. After all of the lies and deceit that Landon figured it out. Reece was in his veins. He was in his veins and he couldn’t get him out. He held him completely without even a touch. Because no matter how far he managed to get from him he could still feel him there. No matter how hard he tried to extract him it was no use. He clawed, scratched, cut himself deep. Bled until he thought there was nothing left of him. And after all of that. After everything. He thought he felt victory. Peace. Freedom from the gravity of his love. But then it healed and little by little he felt him there again. Felt it deep inside himself. Because Reece was still and would always be in his veins.
Closing the book Reid’s head was spinning. Something about all of it seemed so familiar. Like watching a movie of your own life. Part of him actually felt a little angry at Luke for writing this book. For putting their story out there for the whole world to see. Going to the back of the book Reid read the blurb needing to get some deeper understanding about what the rest of the book was about “The tragic tale of forever cut short and one man’s quest to win back the love of his life. When all he has left are the lies that he’s built everything on how will he go on from there? And will he ever be free of the gravity of the love that he has lost?”
Reid dropped the book back onto the coffee table and sat back on the couch pulling his favorite pillow to his chest. How could Luke do this to him? How could he lie to him about everything? First about Noah and then later after his accident. How could he put it all out there for anyone to read? What they had been through. The good times and the bad. It was personal. Anyone that knew either of them would know that this book was about them which meant the entirety of Oakdale was privy to their personal life.
Reid didn’t go back into the living room for several days. He couldn’t think about the book let alone see it. All he wanted was to go on with his life and forget that the book even existed. That any of it existed. He almost wished that he could go back to right after his accident when he had no memory of Luke or his life in Oakdale. Because if he didn’t remember. If he didn’t know what it could be like. Then he wouldn’t feel this overwhelming and almost debilitating pain and emptiness.
But once Reid was able to pinpoint the cause of the pain he settled on the couch and picked up the book and started to read. He read it from cover to cover in one sitting only pausing to get something to eat and drink and go to the bathroom. When he was finished he realized that he had no reason to be angry with Luke. He thought that book would be full of stretched truths and excuses as to why things turned out the way they did but it was exactly the opposite. It was a testament. A testament as to how much Luke loved him. A confession of all the lies and everything else that had torn them apart. But most of all it was a heartbreaking love story that ended the way it began. With both characters alone and in desperate need of someone to see them and accept them for who they were.
That was all Reid had ever wanted but he hadn’t known it until Luke. And after reading his book he realized that it was all Luke had ever wanted as well. Reid had always thought because Luke was outgoing and loved by anyone that met him that he had no need for anyone else in his life. That even though he gave the impression of happiness with Reid that there would eventually come a day when Luke would leave. At first this had kept Reid from going down that path but there came a point where it was too late and Reid decided that if he was going to go down he was going to go down fighting. The only problem was that somewhere along the way he had stopped fighting. Stopped fighting for himself. For them. And most importantly for Luke.
Jumping off of the couch Reid ran into his bedroom and pulled a duffle bag from his closet and started stuffing a couple changes of clothes in it. Next he went into the bathroom grabbing his toothbrush and a few other toiletry items before heading back to the living room and opening his laptop. He found a flight that was leaving in an hour and thought if he hurried he might be able to make it there just in time. Running outside Reid jumped into his car and sped off in the direction of the airport. Once he was there he parked his car in long term parking being as he didn’t know how long he would be gone and raced for the gate. They were just boarding the last few passengers when Reid got there and once he was on the plane and settled he let out a sigh of relief. Reid was so focused on getting to Luke that he didn’t have his giant freak-out that he normally had when on a plane. Once they were at cruising altitude Reid put his seat back, turned on his ipod and let the music take him away.
Before he knew it the flight attendant was tapping his shoulder and telling him that he needed to put his seat up because they were starting their decent into Oakdale. Reid did as he was told bouncing in his seat in excitement. It wasn’t until the plane touched down and he was walking through the tunnel that the fear gripped him by the heart. What if Luke had finally been able to move on? What if he was finally free? What if he no longer wanted Reid? Giving it another thought Reid decided that he didn’t care. That he couldn’t go back to Dallas without giving this everything that he had. That he wouldn’t go down without a fight.
When Reid pulled up in front of the farm he quickly paid the cab driver and jumped out heading straight to the door. It was open as usual so Reid let himself in. Looking around the house it seemed as if no one was there. Going back outside Reid heard some noise coming from the stables and so he headed in that direction. When he got closer he could hear Holden’s voice and almost lost his nerve. He was about to turn around and go look for Luke elsewhere when Holden came out. “Reid? What are you doing here?” Reid shuffled from one foot to the other, a nervous habit that he had picked up from Luke.
“I ummm…I was looking for Luke. Is he here?” Holden looked at him pointedly for a few seconds before his features softened and he let out a sigh.
“No son, he’s not.” Reid suddenly felt dejected. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he couldn’t find out where Luke was and go to him.
“Oh, ok. Sorry to bother you.” Reid turned and started to walk back up the path.
“He’ll be here soon though. He usually comes around after work and heads down to the pond for a few hours. No one dares to bother him while he’s there. You could wait if you want.” Reid turned back towards Holden a grateful smile making its way through.
“Thank you, sir.” Holden who had walked the last few feet between them patted him on the shoulder.
“It’s Holden.” He said smiling and headed back into the stables.
Reid walked the short path down to the pond and sat down on the dock to wait. Looking out over the water Reid couldn’t help but remember all of the moments that he and Luke had shared there. Fun filled splash wars with Luke’s siblings and cousins. Family picnics. Quite evenings with just the two of them and a blanket. Reid got lost in it all and didn’t even hear the approaching footsteps.
“Reid?” Reid turned to see Luke standing at the end of the dock mouth gaping like it usually did when he was in shock. Reid got up and walked towards Luke. Taking each step with purpose. His eyes locked on Luke’s and heart pounding in his chest.
“I read your book.” It wasn’t the opening that Reid had planned but it was what came out.
“If you’re here to yell at me then you can just save it. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.” Luke walked past him a few feet, back turned to Reid.
“I don’t want to fight either. At least not with you.” Luke turned to look at him a small spark of hope in his eyes. “I want to fight for you. For us. It took me reading your book to realize that everything that happened was just as much my fault as it was yours.” Reid looked down at his feet needing for this to come out perfectly. The problem was that he had never had a way with words. Not like Luke. “It made me realize that somewhere along the way that I stopped fighting. And I’m so sorry Luke.” When Reid brought his eyes back up to meet Luke’s a lone tear was making its way down Luke’s cheek. Stepping forward Reid reached out to catch it before cupping Luke’s cheek like he had done so many times before. “If you forgive me I promise that I will never give up on us again. I will…” His words were cut off by Luke’s lips slamming into his as he let out a startled gasp. Luke’s arms came up around his neck just as his arms circled Luke’s waist pulling them tightly against each other. Reid opened his eyes for a second just to make sure that this was real and he could see in the distance the sun setting over the hills. Closing his eyes again he thought about how much they needed to talk about still but that right then it didn’t matter. All that mattered in that moment was the sky above, the earth below, and the feel of Luke’s lips against his own. Everything else could wait.
A few weeks later things had been going really well between them. They hadn’t progressed passed some seriously heavy make out sessions but to be honest Luke was ok with that. On one hand he loved being in this place with Reid again. He loved how it was like they were starting all over again from the beginning. Back when everything was great and uncomplicated. But on the other hand he felt bad that it wasn’t exactly new to him. That they had been there before and Reid knew nothing about it.
Luke arrived at Reid’s apartment at the scheduled time looking good in a pair of slacks and a button down shirt. He let himself in like he usually did and headed to Reid’s room. When he approached the door he could see Reid in front of the mirror fussing with his hair and he couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. Reid turned around when he heard it and gave Luke a half hearted glare before sitting down on the bed to put on his shoes. When Reid stood Luke held his breath as he took in how great he looked. He was wearing that maroon button down shirt that Luke had always loved on him. The color went well with Reid’s skin tone and the front pulled just a little across his chest. Moving his way down he took in Reid’s pants which were a lot more form fitting than his own and hugged nicely over his butt.
“You look great. I always lo…” Luke had to stop himself because he had been about to tell him that he had always loved that shirt on him. He pinched himself hard to punish himself for his almost catastrophic slip up. “I love a man who can pull off maroon. It looks good on you.” Luke smiled hoping that he had successfully talked his way out of that almost mishap. Reid smiled back and didn’t seem to notice but Luke still felt like an idiot.
“Thanks. You look great too.” Reid said as made his way over to Luke and brushed a hand down his cheek before leaning in and giving him a soft peck on the lips.
“You ready to go?”
“Yep.” As they walked out of the room and towards the door Reid took Luke’s hand in his.
A little while later they were seated at a steakhouse that Luke had heard Reid talk about before. The reason he had chosen it was because the cowboy bar that they had gone to during their trip for the hearing was only down the block. Over dinner they talked about Reid’s recovery and his latest scans that they had done at his appointment that day. And they talked a bit about Oakdale with Luke going into a few stories about the town and his family.
When the waiter came around to inquire about desert Luke didn’t even need to ask Reid before ordering two slices of the chocolate mousse pie. Reid smiled happily as the waiter walked away clearly pleased with the choice. They ate their desert in relative silence with Luke just enjoying the way that Reid was eating his pie. Luke had always loved how much Reid loved food. Most people thought it was disgusting and couldn’t understand how he could consume so much food and still look the way he did. But Luke had always thought it was kind of hot. He loved the small noises that Reid made and the look of contentment on Reid’s face when he was satisfied with something he ate. He liked being able to please Reid in any way possible.
After they left the restaurant Luke suggested they walk around for bit to work off their pie and Reid agreed. As they were about to pass the bar Luke faked excitement when he saw the sign for the mechanical bull in the window. “Oh my god, I haven’t ridden one of these things in ages. Come on Reid.” Luke grabbed Reid by the wrist and tugged him inside.
“I really don’t think this is a good idea, do you know how much damage you can do to your brain if you fall off of one of those things?” Luke only laughed as he took off his jacket and set it on a bar stool before heading over to the man who was controlling the bull. Reid shook his head resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to be able to talk Luke out of this stupidity and ordered a beer. When he turned back to the bull Luke was just getting himself settled and Reid couldn’t help but notice how Luke’s pants were hugging him tightly across his butt and thighs.
The bull started to move and the gentle rocking motion that Luke was doing to stay in time with the ride made Reid’s pants just a little bit tighter. Reid stood there, beer half raised and mouth open having forgotten that he had been about to take a sip. Luke’s right hand was gripping the saddle so hard that his knuckles were white while his left hand was in the air waving about. The operator pushed some button on the controls and the bull’s jerking began to get faster. Luke hugged his legs against it a little bit tighter pulling the fabric of his slacks tight across his crotch. Reid could see the outline of Luke’s cock which was clearly enjoying the ride. Luke’s face was flushed and his chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace and Reid couldn’t help but think about how he would look pinned under him as Reid fucked him into the mattress.
Reid had been more than ready for things to progress past the kissing between them but he could also sense that Luke had been holding back. So as much as he wanted to just rip Luke’s clothes off and touch every inch of his body he held back too. He didn’t want to push Luke further than he wanted to go and ruin what they had. He wasn’t exactly sure what was happening between them but he did know that he liked it and he didn’t want it to end.
By the time Reid had snapped himself out of his inner monolog Luke was jumping off of the bull, flushed and a huge smile on his face. As Luke walked towards him there was this weird tingling sensation in the back of his mind and something about it all felt so familiar. But Reid was pretty sure that he had never been in this place before so he pushed it aside. As soon as Luke reached him Reid’s hand shot out and gripped Luke by the back of his neck before pulling him in and crashing his lips against Luke’s. Luke let out a surprised gasp but went with it, opening his mouth to Reid’s tongue. Reid used the hand that wasn’t on Luke’s neck to pull him a little closer by the waist and deepened the kiss. It wasn’t until Reid heard a soft coughing noise that he drew away from Luke. The bartender looked at them mouth hanging open a little and so Reid grabbed Luke by the wrist and pulled him towards the bathroom.
Once inside Reid backed Luke into a stall and shut the door before pinning Luke to the wall and attacking his mouth again. Reid stepped closer grinding Luke into the wall both of them letting out a deep moan as their hard cocks rubbed against each other. Reid felt Luke’s hand between them going for the buckle of his belt and just like that Reid’s body went into overdrive. His hand was on Luke’s belt and they were both fumbling to get their pants down without breaking their kiss. Luke got Reid’s pants open first and Reid let out a groan as Luke’s hand closed around his cock. A second later Reid had Luke’s pants open and began a fast pace pumping that was in time with Luke’s. The tension had been building between them for weeks and so it wasn’t long before both of them were spilling over the other’s hand and letting out strangled moans into each other’s mouth.
His dreams are starting to battle with his real life. During the day he gets closer and closer to this amazingly sweet blond man while at night he is falling for another equally amazing blond. And Reid has to almost laugh at how fitting it is to his current situation. They have explained it all to him. They have told him about the accident and how much time he has lost. And the battle that he is waging between dreams and reality is a perfect reflection of the struggle in his mind between the reality he knows now and the life that he had supposedly been living the last couple years. But tonight. Tonight it all comes to a head. Tonight his dreams make a clear play for his heart. He is sitting across from Luke in a coffee shop. He is babbling on about something, frustration growing with every breath. Going on about defense mechanisms and feelings and love. And hold the phone did he just hear that right? Because even for his dream self it’s a bit of a shock. But then it’s not. Then it all makes sense. Luke loves him.
Everything fades out and then back in and he is standing in a parking lot next to a car. Luke is there pleading with him. Not wanting him to go alone. But there is something in Reid that says he needs to do this. Needs to make everyone see what Luke sees. Prove to them all that he is worthy of this beautiful, sweet, smart, remarkable man. So he turns away from the car back towards Luke. “I love you.” At first Luke looks at him like he didn’t even hear it but then his bottom lips drops a bit. “There I said it.” And he had. He said it and nothing had ever felt so freeing. Leaning in he kisses Luke sealing those words between them. When he pulls back he gives Luke a soft pat on his cheek and turns to get into the car. As he drives away Luke is standing there with this big dopey smile on his face and Reid had never seen him so beautiful.
Ever since the night at the bar things had steadily been heating up between them. There had been a lot more making out, a few more mutual handjobs, some frottage and even a partial blow job. Luke was straddling Reid’s hips grinding his cock into Reid’s as he trailed hot, wet kisses down his throat. Reid flung his head back resting it against the back of the couch and let out a moan of appreciation. Without even thinking Reid moved his hands from Luke’s waist to his ass massaging both cheeks wanting nothing more than to be buried deep inside it. Needing to feel skin he slipped one hand inside of Luke’s jeans and cupped his ass, squeezing and kneading the warm flesh. Moving lower he grazed a finger along Luke’s crack circling around his entrance and just like that it was all over. Luke had jumped off of him face beet red and started fumbling with the buttons of his shirt.
“What’s wrong? What did I do?” Reid got up and stepped closer to Luke reaching out to touch his face but Luke only turned away from him.
“It’s nothing. I’m sorry. I just remembered there is somewhere I need to be.” Luke had gotten his shirt buttoned again and was searching around in the dark living room for his shoes. Reid turned on the lamp next to couch to help but also so that he could see Luke more clearly. He knew that Luke had been intentionally taking things slow but he thought that after the night at the bar and all the nights since then that they were building towards something more.
“Luciano, please. Don’t shut me out.” Luke found his shoes and sat down to put them on. “I’m sorry if I went too far. We can slow it down.” Reid crouched in front of Luke trying to force him to look at him. “Please don’t leave.” Luke looked at him with a weariness in his eyes that Reid had never seen from him before. They both stood then.
“It’s not that Reid. I really am sorry but I have to go.” Luke grabbed his phone and keys and rushed out the door without another word leaving Reid in a stunned silence. Falling back onto the couch Reid racked his brain for any explanation as to what had just happened. He replayed the moments that they had shared over the last week trying to dissect every kiss and every touch. As far as he could tell things were progressing steadily between them and going that final step was only natural but it seems he had been wrong. Dropping his head into his hands he wondered whether or not he should text Luke and apologize again or if he should just give him some time. Maybe he was just scared. If he was then Reid could understand that. He was scared too. He hadn’t been so anxious about sex since his first time with that closeted jock in high school. But something about this whole situation. Something about Luke made him terrified of it. If only that made him want it less. After giving it some more thought Reid decided to let it go and wait for Luke to let him in.
Reid is lying in bed watching Luke sleep and he thinks it’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen. And just when he thinks that he can lay there for hours doing nothing but this Luke stirs and suddenly his eyes are met with the most beautiful brown. Luke smiles at him sleepily. “How long have you been up?”
“Not long.” Reid reaches out to stroke Luke’s cheek. “I have to get up soon. I need to be to work in an hour.” Luke juts out his lip in a pout. “Can you meet me for lunch later?”
“Sure, where do you want to go?” Luke has moved into his space now. Head resting on Reid’s shoulder arm draped across his stomach.
“I’m not sure.” Reid squeezes Luke tightly before getting up and heading into the bathroom. When he walks back into the bedroom after his shower Luke is up and on his laptop typing away furiously. Reid goes to the closet and pulls out a button down shirt and a pair of pants and pulls them on. When he sits down on the bed to put on his socks and shoes Luke puts his computer down and moves towards him. “Oh no you don’t. I have to go. I’ll be late for rounds.” Luke does his pouty lip again but Reid doesn’t fall for it. Instead he leans in and kisses Luke sucking the lip a little as he pulls away. Getting up he grabs his keys off the dresser and heads towards the bedroom door.
“What about lunch?” Reid turns back to Luke and smiles.
“I’ll text you later and let you know.”
A couple hours later Reid sends Luke a text message with a time and address. When he gets Luke’s response he has to smile at Luke’s overuse of emoticons. At 1:30 he is anxiously waiting for Luke to arrive, nervous about what Luke’s response is going to be. He is in the kitchen where he has a makeshift picnic set up with takeout from Al’s when he hears Luke call out to him.
“In here.” When Luke finds his way into the kitchen he has this confused expression on his face.
“Where are we? I thought maybe this was some new restaurant that I hadn’t heard of yet when you texted me the address.” Reid pulls out a stool from the kitchen counter and waves his hand towards it. When Luke reaches him he gives him a soft kiss on the lips before sitting down.
“I got your favorite from Al’s” Reid offers hoping that this will pave the way for what he is about to do.
“Not that this isn’t great but what is this place? You didn’t break in did you because we don’t need any more legal issues this year.” Reid chuckles and shakes his head.
“No I didn’t break in. I own this house. Or I should say, we do.” Luke’s eyes bulge as his head snaps up to look at Reid.
“We…own it?” Luke’s mouth is hanging open a little like it does when he is shocked and Reid can’t help but smile endearingly at him.
“Yes, I mean that is if you want.” Reid stands up and starts pacing. “I mean I can still back out, it’s still in escrow.” He stops to run his hand through his hair as he faces away from Luke. “I just thought since you are always at my place anyways…and it would be nice to have something that is just ours….a place with some privacy.” Luke gets up and walks over to Reid cupping his face in his hands just like Reid has done to him so many times. There is something calming about it and it has become a staple in their relationship.
“Hey.” Luke’s thumb strokes up and down Reid’s cheek. “Reid, you’re babbling…It’s ok. I love it.” And now Luke’s eyes are welling up and his lips are covering Reid’s and it’s perfect.
Luke had felt really bad after leaving Reid’s place the other day. This whole situation was like a war waging within him. He wanted nothing more than to be close to Reid again but this whole charade clouded it all with guilt. Things had been moving along with them as far as intimacy went and Luke could feel the need. The want. The all consuming ache in his bones to be one with Reid. It took everything in him to fight it. To hold back. To stop himself from giving in to it all.
What made him feel even worse about it all was that from Reid’s perspective there was no reason for Luke to have freaked out the way he did. He couldn’t possibly understand the back and forth that was going through Luke’s mind and heart. He wouldn’t understand why Luke would want to shy away from him or deny him the next natural step in their relationship.
Luke let himself into Reid’s place needing to make sure that everything was alright between them. As he headed towards Reid’s bedroom he could hear water running. Going through the bedroom and into bathroom Luke could see Reid’s form through the shower door and instantly his pants were got a little uncomfortable. He told himself that he should back away. That he should go into the living room and wait for Reid to come out. Instead he found himself taking off his clothes and shoes and stepping into the shower with Reid.
Reid stood with his back to Luke letting the water rush over his head and so he hadn’t heard Luke come in. Luke stepped forward so that he was right behind Reid and slipped his arms around his waist feeling his way up Reid’s chest. Reid startled at the first touch but then relaxed against him and let Luke explore the expanse of bare, wet skin. Reid waited a few more minutes before turning in Luke’s arms and Luke’s heart almost broke at the wide open expression on Reid’s face. There was a moment just like this in their past life. A moment where Reid’s walls came tumbling down and he looked at Luke with that completely vulnerable expression making himself available to whatever it was that Luke was willing to give him. The last time it had been in his mother’s living room but this time Reid was naked and dripping wet and it made Luke’s heart clench that much more.
And just like that day at his mother’s house he abandoned all pretexts and got caught up in the moment. Luke cupped Reid’s cheek and grazed his thumb over his lips before he leaned forward and kissed him. Gently at first but like usual that only lasted so long with them and suddenly there were water slick hands roaming everywhere and tongues thrashing against each other. It went on a while longer before Luke backed Reid up against the shower wall and slowly dropped to his knees. Reid looked down at him eyes hooded and pupils blown giving him his silent assurance before Luke enveloped him completely.
Reid walks into the Doctor’s lounge and pulls a bottle of water out of the fridge consuming it all in one go. Fishing his phone out of the pocket of his lab quote he sees the blinking light indicating that he has a message. He lets out a deep sigh when he hears the message “Hey Reid, it’s me. I’m at the Lakeview. Where are you?” There is another one. “I couldn’t wait any longer. They needed the table. I’m back at home. Call me.” And another. “I’m getting a little worried. I talked to Becka and she said that you left a couple of hours ago. Please call me.” Reid looks at the time and sees that it’s late. He figures Luke’s in bed already so he doesn’t call. Instead he goes to his office and starts in on the mountain of paperwork that he was trying to get through before that emergency head trauma came in. When he gets home Luke is curled up awkwardly on the couch clutching his phone to his chest still in his clothes. Reid doesn’t want to disturb him so he just goes upstairs to bed.
When he opens his eyes it’s obviously another day because he wakes up in his office instead of his bed. It takes him a second to realize that his phone ringing is what woke him and searches through the mess of papers on his desk for it. He groans when he sees Luke’s name on the screen. He really didn’t feel like doing this right now. He lets it go to voicemail. A minute later his phone goes off again. This time it’s a text message:
At my mom’s…where are you???
Another message comes through right after:
We are holding dinner for you
Reid lets out another groan. He doesn’t know when this happened. He doesn’t know when everything with Luke became like work. When everything started to fall apart. He texts back:
Go ahead without me. Have to work late.
When he doesn’t get a response he knows he’ll be in for it when they both get home but he’s so tired that he just can’t bring himself to care.
Things had changed between Luke and Reid significantly over the last week. Ever since that day when Luke had went to Reid’s house and things had gotten steamy in the shower in more ways than one everything had been great between them. It was just like before when they had finally gotten things settled between them and just let themselves be together and Luke reveled in that feeling. Unfortunately the real world was calling.
That morning Luke had gotten a call from his vice president at the foundation who he had left in charge during his absence and his presence was needed back at the office immediately. Luke didn’t really want to leave Reid. Especially with the way things were going between them but after a long and heated conversation on the phone it was clear there were no other options. He was supposed to be flying out first thing in the morning and so he was going to have dinner with Reid at his place.
Reid was understanding of course when Luke had explained to him that he had to return home for a few days and that had made it that much harder to go. When he got to Reid’s place he was on the couch flipping channels on the TV but his eyes lit up when Luke walked through the door and it reminded Luke of another life. He remembered back when everything was perfect and new between them how excited each of them would get when the other would get home from work.
“I brought Chinese.” Luke said holding up the take out bag as he walked in and closed the door behind him.
“Good, because I am starving.” Reid said rubbing his belly as he waited for Luke to set down the food.
“You are always starving.” Luke laughed at Reid’s mock offense and started pulling containers out of the bags and setting them on the coffee table. Luke leaned down to give Reid a soft kiss on the lips and then handed him a pair of chopsticks as he sat down beside him on the couch.
“How was your day?” Reid asked as he grabbed the nearest container which happened to be kung pao chicken and started stuffing his face.
“Ughh…You don’t want to know. After I got off the phone with you I spent an hour and a half on a conference call with my VP and a few other people arguing over what steps to take next.” Luke let out a deep sigh of frustration. “Finally I had to tell them that we would talk about it tomorrow when I got there and not to bother me for the rest of the day.”
“Something about you exerting your authority over your employees is really turning me on right now.” Reid said as he put down the container he was holding. “Maybe you could demonstrate a little of that for me in the bedroom.” Luke didn’t even give it a second thought before he was up and heading towards Reid’s bedroom taking off his clothes as he went. Reid jumped up off the couch and followed stripping as he went as well.
Once Reid reached the bedroom Luke was already on the bed completely naked and waiting for him. Reid had to bight the inside of his cheek to keep the desperate moan at the sight of him from escaping. He made his way over to the bed and crawled up towards Luke going straight for his mouth. As he fitted himself atop Luke and their cocks rubbed together unhindered Reid let out a deep guttural moan which Luke swallowed with one of his own.
They moved together in this beautiful synchronicity like they were dancing the Swan Lake and it was just as perfect as it had always been between them. Luke pulled back from the kiss gasping for air, “I know you wanted authoritative but I want you inside me so badly that I can’t think of anything else.” Reid groaned at that before he pulled Luke back into another bruising kiss.
After a few more minutes of that Reid turned Luke over and reached over to the bedside table. A shiver went down Luke’s spine at the sound of a cap popping open. It had been so long since he had done this. There hadn’t been anyone since Reid and his body was practically begging for it. He squirmed a little in anticipation before he felt warm slick fingers running over his entrance. The fingers circled a couple of times spreading the lube around before one of them found its way inside. Luke bucked his hips forward at the initial intrusion but it wasn’t long before he was rocking back onto the finger and begging for more.
When Reid had worked his way up to three fingers Luke couldn’t take it any longer. “More Reid, please. I need you.” Reid didn’t need to be told twice before removing his fingers, rolling on a condom and coating himself with lube. Moving forward Reid lined himself up with Luke’s hole and Luke could feel just the faintest bit of pressure before the tip of Reid’s cock was pushing past the first ring of muscle and sliding in. After that it was a jumbled mess of thrusts and moans and kisses and hands that came to a hurried end as Luke’s release brought on Reid’s own and they collapsed into tangled heap of sweaty limbs.
The next time he is walking through an outdoor shopping center when he notices the blond through the window of an old diner. He stops to look and sees that the blond is sitting with the dark haired kid from the hospital that he thinks is named Noah. The blond has his hand covering Noah’s and seems to be talking about something very important. He can’t really see the look on his face because he is facing away from him but he can see the way his left hand flails about as he talks. Then that same left hand reaches out and cups Noah’s neck as the blond leans in and kisses his temple. For some reason Reid gets this tight feeling in his chest but for the life of him he can’t figure out why. From what he has seen so far he has no reason to be jealous. No reason to care what this kid does with anyone. He turns away from the window just as his phone rings.
The scene fades out again and when it comes back he’s standing near the same window but this time the blond is on the outside looking in. Reid walks over to him and looks in as well and sees Noah sitting and laughing with another dark haired kid of the same age. He can feel the hurt rolling off of the blond in waves and wants to reach out. Wants to take his hand. Wants to comfort him. Wants to do whatever he has to, to take that pain away but he doesn’t. Instead he asks if they are going and the blond turns toward him and says yeah before turning away and walking off.
“So we’ll just see how those scans look over the next few days and then go from there.” A doctor was saying as Luke walked into Reid’s room the next day. Reid nodded his thanks to the doctor and then turned his attention to Luke giving him a bright smile that made Luke’s heart clench. He couldn’t remember the last time Reid had smiled like that for him. It had definitely been a while because even when they were still together things hadn’t been going well in the end.
“They are going to run a series of scans over the next few days to make sure the swelling stays down and if everything looks good then I’ll get to go home at the end of the week. They still want me on bed rest for the most part but anything has got to be better than being cooped up here all day.” Reid was rambling in that happy excited way that he did like right after he had gotten that phone call about being reinstated. For a second Luke felt like he was back there again. Back in that time where everything was still new and uncomplicated between them. Back when the possibility far outweighed whatever fears either of them might have.
“That’s great, Reid.” Luke tried to smile for him the way he knew he should but he just couldn’t quite force it to reach his eyes. Reid going home meant he would need to find some way to visit him there instead since he still had made no progress in regaining his memories.
Reid starts to feel as if his real life is being lived in his sleep. It’s as if he is sleeping all day and only wakes up when he goes to bed at night. When he ‘wakes up’ that night he is in a hotel room with the blond. He is on the phone with someone confirming that he heard them and that he understood what they were saying. He hangs up the phone and then turns towards the blond. He hears him say something but pays no attention because before he knows what he’s doing he reaches out and grabs the blonds’ face pulling him in and crashing their lips together. He can feel the surprise coming off the blond and wants to smile into the kiss but instead pulls back. His hands are still framing that beautiful face that is now gaping at him in shock.
“I’m reinstated! Can you believe it?!?” He’s smiling still gripping the blonds face. “Vasco says they are going to keep the investigation open.” He lets go of the blonds face now. “Why? I have no idea. I’m certainly not guilty of any malpractice which they’ll discover eventually. But in the mean time I can get out of here.” As he is talking he turns and starts to pack up his things into his briefcase. He lets out a satisfied sigh, “I can’t wait to get back into the operating room…” Reid’s mind is going a mile a minute with his excitement and his mouth is just trying to keep up, “make the first incision. You have no idea what this means to me.” Getting everything back into his briefcase he turns back to the blond who still has this wide eyed confused expression on his face.
“Actually, I think I do.” Reid picks up his briefcase and walks towards the blond patting him on his arm.
“This never would have happened without you.” As Reid rushes past the blond he turns as well still confused.
“Umm, Dr. Oliver?” Reid stops and turns back to face the blond. “You do realize that you kissed me, right?” He nods his head to reiterate the question. “And I mean that’s ok, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean you were excited and you just got some really good news, but I think it would be kind of weird if we pretended it didn’t happen.” The blond is looking at him now expectantly obviously hoping to get some sort answers for Reid’s brash behavior.
“I know what I did. It had nothing to do with the phone call. I wanted to kiss you. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a long time, Luke.”
Reid jolts awake with one word swirling around in his mind. One name. Luke. Luke. Luke. He thinks for some reason that he knew it all along. Thinks that he would know that name anywhere. Thinks that it is emblazoned in his mind. Printed on his heart. A part of his soul. It’s like the piece of the puzzle that finally brings it all together except he still can’t make out the whole picture.
After a rather heated discussion with Reid’s doctors the next day Luke bounds into Reid’s room full of excitement pushing a wheel chair. “I’m here to spring you.” Reid looks up at him confused. “Come on, put your robe on and let’s get you into this chair.”
“Where are we going?” Reid asks but he gets out of bed anyways and Luke’s smile brightens even more. Reid only ever had that kind of trust with him.
“Not far. Just for a walk or in your case ride around the hospital grounds.” Luke pushed the chair over to the bed where Reid was putting on his robe and slippers. “I know it doesn’t sound too exciting but at least you’ll be able to get some fresh air and feel the sun on your skin.”
“That actually sounds really great.” Reid said as he lowered himself into the chair. “I wish we didn’t need this thing though, it makes me feel like such an invalid.” Reid smiled up at Luke.
“You know better than I do that its hospital policy.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Luke pushed him over to the door which was a pain to get through with no one to prop it open but they managed. When they finally reached the sliding doors that would lead them outside and passed through Reid let out a small sigh and relaxed into the chair a bit more.
The grounds at the hospital were actually quite nice. There were big lush trees and beautiful flowers everywhere. “You know if you go around this building there is a koi pond with benches for people to sit on and enjoy the view.”
“That sounds nice.” Luke headed in that direction humming a little as he went. When they neared the pond Luke pushed Reid over to one of the benches and sat down.
“If I promise not to tell anyone do you think I could sit on the bench with you? It would make me feel a little less like some helpless patient.” Luke smiled at him and nodded his head so Reid rose slowly out of the chair and sat down on the bench beside Luke. They sat there for nearly an hour not saying a word, a gentle breeze coming through the trees and the warm sun on their faces.
Luke’s in front of him with this horrible look of anguish on his face. “If he’s never the same again. If he doesn’t make it through this, then I…” He stops for a second like he doesn’t know what to say next.
“You what?” Reid asked with just the slightest bit of frustration.
Shaking his head it comes out as a whisper, “I can’t, I can’t…”
“You can’t what?” And now Reid thinks he gets it. Now he understands why Luke was so upset. Now he knows that this wasn’t about Noah. That it wasn’t about how Luke used to feel about him. It was about them. He steps closer to Luke and raises his hand towards his cheek. “You can’t what, Luke?” And Luke looks so confused, so shattered, so scared of what’s about to happen. Reid’s hand is on Luke’s cheek now as he leans a little closer. He can see the struggle in Luke’s eyes. The struggle to just let go and let this happen. The struggle to forget Noah and move on. Luke licks his lips and nods his head slightly as if saying yes and so Reid moves in. As their lip meet he can feel Luke’s hand cup his cheek and that’s all it takes for him to get swept up. Luke’s hand moves around to his neck as Reid’s other hand grips Luke’s waist. Soon his hands are lifting up and unbuttoning Luke’s shirt. Luke stops for a second to frame Reid’s face and look into his eyes and Reid thinks that he’s going to stop all of this. Thinks he’s finally come to his senses. Thinks that he’s remembered that he shouldn’t be doing this but then he just draws him back in claiming his mouth. The kiss gets more heated as Reid continues on the buttons. Once he’s gotten them undone his hands move up to Luke’s face but just as he is trying to push it further Luke rips himself away.
By the end of the week Reid couldn’t get his clothes on fast enough after signing his release papers. He was just pulling on his button down shirt when Luke came through the door takeout bag in hand. Luke’s eyes zeroed in on the strip of flesh that was still exposed between both sides of the shirt and stopped dead in his tracks. Reid smirked a little before moving to button his shirt. Reid’s movement seemed to snap Luke out of his daze and his face was instantly flushed. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Luke turned around to go back out the door.
“It’s ok. I’m sure it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Reid finished buttoning his shirt but Luke was still facing away. “Really, it’s ok. Besides it’s buttoned now.” When Luke turned back around his face was still a little flushed but he tried to hide it with a smile.
“I guess I should learn not to just barge into people’s room.”
“Luciano, really it’s not a big deal.” Luke stopped at hearing that name come out of Reid’s mouth. There was something about it that made his skin feel like it was on fire. Something about how each syllable would roll of his tongue with such purpose. Even now. Even though Reid didn’t know him. Didn’t know what that name used to do to him. It still had that effect.
“I guess I don’t have to ask how the scans turned out.” Luke said as he gestured toward the pile of stuff that Reid had accumulated during his stay in the hospital.
“Oh, yeah. The swelling was still down so I’m outta here.” Reid stuffed the pile of stuff into a plastic bag with the hospital logo on the side just as a nurse came in pushing a wheel chair.
“Ok, Dr. Oliver you’re all set.” Reid grumbled a little about the chair as he sat down but he really didn’t want to delay his leaving with an argument so he kept it to himself. Luke walked along with them as the nurse wheeled him out the front doors to the pickup area. “Is your ride here yet?” The nurse asked as she stopped the chair and put on the brakes.
Reid’s face fell then. In all of the excitement of finding out he was getting out of there he had forgotten to call someone to pick him up. “Shit, I forgot to call them.”
“You know I can’t let you leave without an escort home.” Luke stepped forward then.
“I could give you a ride Reid. I have nothing else planned. In fact I had brought lunch for us so we could just eat it at your place if you want.”
“Really? That would be great. I can’t believe what an idiot I am.”
“Just let me go get my car and I’ll be right back.” Luke went as fast as he could to his car without running and was back in front of the hospital in a matter of minutes. Getting out he went around to open the door for Reid and be there just in case he needed help getting in. Reid being the stubborn ass that he was of course wouldn’t accept the help and insisted that he do it on his own. Once he was seated inside the car and buckled in the nurse smiled and turned around wheeling the chair back inside.
“I really do appreciate this.”
“It’s really not a problem. So where are we headed?” Reid gave him his address and Luke entered into his GPS and they were off. Luke couldn’t believe his luck. He had been agonizing about how he was going to continue this charade once Reid was no longer in the hospital and then a solution presented itself. It had always been that way for them. When obstacles appeared they found a way around them. Where others would crack and crumble under the pressure they would find their way out easily and stronger than ever. And now when Luke thought that there was no clear path for him to take a road had opened up for him.
Back in the hospital again Reid was trying to get away from Luke, “Good luck with that, Mr. Snyder.” Luke grabbed Reid’s arm following him.
“No, don’t call me that.” He had this pleading look in his eyes like he was trying to make Reid understand that the thing with Noah was complicated. That he couldn’t just walk away that easily.
“What do you want…from me? Tell me.” Reid’s eyes pleaded with Luke as well. Pleaded for Luke to just let him go. Let him get back to his emotionally withdrawn life where he didn’t have to think about things like feelings and what other people thought of him. Luke looked back at him like he was unsure himself. “You want me to pretend that nothing happened between us? It’s not the way I work.” Reid shook his head to really make his point and then reached his hand up to cup Luke’s cheek, “And we both know it’s not true.” Luke stared back at him mouth slightly open drinking in those words. Wanting desperately to believe them. But it was too much. Too much for his heart and his mind to take in. He dropped his eyes to look at the ground and tried not to think about the warmth of Reid’s hand on his cheek.
A week later Luke stopped at Reid’s favorite pizza place before heading over to his house. They had seen each other every day since Reid had gone home from the hospital. Some days Luke brought lunch and they would sit on the couch and watch some stupid soap opera. Other days Luke would bring dinner and they would watch a movie. That night they were going to have pizza and watched the Rangers game.
An hour into the game they had finished both pizzas and were sitting closely on the couch. Luke shifted a little and when he did his hand brushed against Reid’s which was resting next to him. Reid’s eyes got really big as he turned to look at Luke. He knew that he wanted something to happen between them but he was also scared. Luke seeing the insecurity in Reid’s eyes only smiled before turning back to the game while taking Reid’s hand in his and intertwining their fingers. He could feel Reid’s gaze on him for a little while longer before he returned his attention back to the game but not before giving Luke’s hand a gentle squeeze.
Luke couldn’t figure out if he should be happy about it or guilty. Once again Reid was opening himself up to him in a way that he had never done with anyone else. He was accepting Luke with little to go on but what they had shared over the last few weeks. Luke wanted nothing more than to take advantage of it. To let Reid tear down his walls and let Luke in. To let him fall in love all over again. But he couldn’t help but think about what would happen when Reid was himself again. When he remembered everything that had happened between them. He couldn’t help but wonder where he would fit in when Reid pieced his life back together.
The next time he is back in what he now knows is Luke’s living room. They are sitting on the couch playing chess. Reid is trying so hard to not beat him too badly but really there is nothing he can do. When he calls out check mate he can’t help but feel a flutter in his heart at the expression on Luke’s face. He was adorably surprised because he had no idea that he was losing so badly. The next thing he knows he’s talking about things that he never tells anyone and it’s too much for him. He gets up and walks towards the door needing to be away from Luke but Luke gets up and follows him. Pushing him to open up in a way that only Luke can. And soon Reid is a babbling mess and he doesn’t even know who he is. No one has ever affected him like this. No one has ever made him feel so helpless yet so hopeful all at once. Luke is in his space now with this beautiful surprised smile on his face. He reaches up to comfort Reid. Places his hand on his cheek to let him know that it’s ok. That it’s ok to come apart sometimes. To lose yourself. To let someone in. And so Reid does. He lets him in. And Luke doesn’t hesitate. He leans in and captures Reid’s lips with his own.
A few days later Luke was slaving away in Reid’s kitchen cooking his Grandma Emma’s famous chili and cornbread. Reid was salivating over the smell in the living room trying to keep himself from thinking about how hungry he was. Luke almost felt a little guilty about how much he went on and on about the chili and how much Reid was going to love it because he already knew that he did. His grandma would make it for Reid at least once a month back when they were together. Luke would meet him at the farm after a long day at the foundation and Reid would be sitting at the table munching happily on some homemade chocolate chip cookies while his grandma would be at the stove stirring and adding things here and there.
Luke had just given the chili a stir and did a final taste test when the alarm for the oven had gone off. Putting on the oven mitts he reached in to take out the cornbread. After he set it down he turned to yell out to Reid that it was ready and was surprised to find Reid standing right behind him. He startled and Reid darted out a hand to steady him. They were only inches apart now and their eyes were locked on each other. Nothing beyond hand holding had happened between them over the past few days but it had definitely been building. It was just inevitable between them. From the moment they met in that hospital corridor it had been building. That ever expanding and all consuming desire for more. Always more.
They stare so long at each other that they don’t even realize that they are slowly closing the gap between them. Luke doesn’t know who’s lips touch who’s first but suddenly they are kissing and he can feel that fire deep in his gut that he always felt. He can feel that need. That want. That hunger. For more. More. More.
He’s back at Luke’s door again and he is starting to think that none of this coincidence. That none of this is chance. That it’s all just pieces to a puzzle of the life he should have been living all along. When Luke answers the door this time he has this nonchalant expression on his face that he just doesn’t pull of well because Luke is one of those people that wears his heart on his sleeve. Even when he’s hiding. Even when he’s putting up a front Reid can see through it all. Can see through to what’s inside and that is where he realizes that he needs to be. Reid walks past Luke not even waiting to be invited in. When he sees a glass of lemonade he picks it up and takes a sip needing to be doing something besides going through all of the stupid things that are running through his brain right now. Luke is looking at him like he’s crazy now and Reid just might agree. They go back and forth a bit about work and staying in Oakdale and Noah. And when it’s all said and Reid knows now that he’s been a colossal assuming fool he has to laugh at himself inside. And Luke. Luke is looking at him all fearful and hopeful at the same time asking him where they stand now and Reid is so turned around by everything that had happened that day that he doesn’t even know how to respond. He tells him that and instead of the reaction he is expecting he gets understanding. He gets Luke reaching out for him and telling him they’ll figure it out together. And in that moment there is nothing that sounds better than that.
It had been seven months, two weeks, three days, and eleven hours since Reid had broken up with Luke. Sitting at his desk he stared at the blinking cursor on the blank screen and tried not to think about it. The voicemail from his publisher played over and over in his head. They needed the pages. They needed them by this day. How is he progressing? Luke snorted out a laugh. The truth was he wasn’t progressing. He had been staring at a blank screen for weeks. He would type a few words and then immediately attack the backspace key and they would be gone again. He was assaulted with memories of Reid and he wanted desperately to use what he felt. They always say write what you know and Luke knew Reid. He knew how they became everything. He knew how it turned into nothing. Luke looked back at the screen and saw the cursor again. Still blinking as if it was mocking him. Luke moved his fingers over the keys again like a threat. But nothing came. Nothing except the ringing of his phone.
When he looked at the caller ID and saw ‘Bob Hughes’ he let out a small gasp. He hadn’t talked to Bob in a while. Ever since Reid had moved back to Dallas he did his best to avoid Memorial. Because even though he was no longer there it just held too many memories. Bob had come out of retirement to step in as chief of staff until they could find a replacement for Reid and had been disappointed when Luke had hired someone to take over the new cardiology wing project as far as the foundation was concerned.
Luke really wanted to ignore the call. He couldn’t take any more of Bob’s disappointed and insinuating tones. He didn’t want to feel like a failure any more. He let it go to the last ring and then let out a sigh as he pressed the talk button. “Hey Bob, what’s up?”
“Luke I’m glad I caught you. I just got off the phone with Katie and I’m sorry to say that I have some bad news.” Luke’s heart rate started to accelerate at those words. He had heard those words too many times in his life.
“Oh my god, is it Jacob?!?”
“No, no, no Jacob is fine and so is Katie. It’s just she got a phone call from Dallas.” Luke’s heart rate sped up even more at the mention of Dallas. That could mean only one thing. Reid.
“Is he dead?”
A few hours later Luke was on the Grimaldi jet on his way to Dallas. His mind was reeling from everything that Bob had told him and he couldn’t help but think about having a drink. It made him sad to think about how much that thought had run through his mind in the last year. It started when things were getting bad between him and Reid and got even worse after they broke up. One night he had shown up at Katie’s door a bottle in hand and when she answered he crumpled to the floor and started sobbing. She didn’t judge or accuse him. She just helped him up and brought him inside. When she got him seated on the couch she took the bottle from him and put it in the kitchen. Back at his side she took his hand breathing in and out in deep even breaths so that Luke could follow along. He had woken up the next morning on her couch with a pounding headache and a shattered heart.
Luke was drawn out of his thoughts when the Pilot announced that they were at cruising altitude and that he was free to move around. He got up and went into the bathroom to splash some water on his face. When he saw his reflection in the mirror he was taken aback. He was deathly pale and had dark circles underneath his eyes. He could hear the words over and over in his head. Reid. Accident. Brain injury. Amnesia. Reid had amnesia. He didn’t remember Oakdale. He didn’t remember Memorial or the Neuro wing built just for him. He didn’t remember Noah or his brilliance in restoring his sight. And most importantly he didn’t remember Luke. Didn’t remember meeting him, liking him, falling for him, or leaving him. Everything that they were had been wiped from his mind and consequently his heart.
Bob had told him about the accident. About the many surgeries that Reid had gone through. About how he was lucky to be alive. Bob told him about Reid waking up and the doctors realizing that the surgeries were not as much as a success as they thought. Of course with any case of amnesia there wasn’t much to do besides waiting it out but that wasn’t good enough for Reid’s colleagues. Apparently Reid had been working on some very important research in the last few months and they really needed him to get his memory back so that he could continue with it. If the research went the way Reid was hoping it could mean great prestige not only for him but for the hospital as well. All of that meant that they were highly invested in Reid’s recovery and they were willing to do whatever it took to make that happen. And whatever it took involved Luke flying to Dallas and visiting Reid in hopes of jogging his memory.
When he got to Dallas he had a car waiting for him to take him to the hospital where the Chief of Staff and the Chief of Surgery were waiting for him. They explained in further detail the extent of Reid’s condition. They told Luke all about Reid’s research and why it was imperative that Reid regain his memory. They offered suggestions on how he should go about connecting with Reid. They seemed to think that he should pose as a Physical therapist or some other staff member so that Reid would be more trusting and open to him. And even though there was nothing funny about any of it Luke couldn’t help but laugh to himself. The extent to which they were willing to take this was incredible. They were essentially suggesting that he and them as well break the law. Not only had they already illegally shared Reid’s medical condition with him but now they wanted him to impersonate a doctor to get close to him.
After hearing everything Luke agreed to help but only on his terms. He wouldn’t impersonate a staff member. And he wouldn’t to the best of his ability lie to Reid.
Reid looked up to see a young blond man coming into his room. When those chocolate brown eyes met his he felt a stirring of something that he couldn’t place.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I must have gotten the wrong room. I’m so sorry for bothering you.” Reid stared at him wide eyed unsure of how to react. He went with quiet indifference returning to the medical journal that he had been reading before this guy had barged in on his solitude. “I ummm. I’m sorry…again. I’ll just be going.” The guy gave him a lingering look like he really wanted to say something else. But instead turned and walked out the door.
Luke plastered himself to the wall outside of Reid’s room almost hyperventilating. He didn’t know how he was going to do this. He didn’t know how he was going to go in there and act as if he didn’t know Reid better than anyone else. As if he hadn’t loved Reid. As if he didn’t still. There was a moment. When Reid had first looked up at him with those blue eyes that Luke thought that he had known him. Thought that he remembered. There was something familiar there but just as fast as it had appeared it was gone again. He almost turned back right there. He almost gave up. But it was Reid’s completely uncaring attitude that prompted him to continue. Luke remembered that man. Remembered the man that stood before him failing to take his hand and telling him that he didn’t like him. But now. Standing outside his room. He remembered the rest as well. Remembered how much more Reid could be. How much more Reid was. And that is what gave him the confidence to go back.
That night when Reid slept he was haunted with dreams about a blond with a face he couldn’t quite make out. He is walking through a hospital that is unfamiliar when he comes around a corner and sees the blond facing away from him. He calls out a name that for some reason when he thinks back on it comes out in jumbled mess. The blond turns hearing his name and tries to greet him but Reid is not in the mood for formalities and cuts him off.
“We both know why I’m here. Let’s not pretend that this is a normal consult.” The hand that had been extended towards him stays suspended between them for a few more seconds before dropping back to the blonds’ side.
He tilts his head a little from side to side. A faint smile making its way out, “Look I’m sorry. I thought that I could…” Reid interrupts him.
“You thought that you could blackmail me. I’m curious. How much did it cost for you to get dirt on me?” The blond stares at him for a second, mouth open.
“Dr. Oliver, I did not want to do it this way but you see…” Once again Reid cuts the blond off, not interested in the slightest in hearing his excuses.
“What I see is the big fat silver spoon in your mouth that I hope you choke on.” Now the blond is outright gaping at him and Reid can’t help but chuckle to himself. The kid is probably not used to being talked to like that. Well that sucks for him because Reid didn’t take shit from anyone, not in a long time. And he wasn’t planning on starting now just because some Richie Rich kid with big doe eyes bats his lashes at him. When he woke he couldn’t quite remember what the blond looked like exactly. All he could remember was the floppy hair and a nondescript face.
The next day Reid was watching some inane soap opera that he was too embarrassed to admit that he had become enveloped in when his door opened. The nurse had just been by to check his vitals and he wasn’t expecting anyone else so he couldn’t imagine who would be bothering him. When he looked up he saw it was the same blond man from the day before. He had this timid expression on his face that he was trying to mask with a smile. Looking down to his hands Reid saw that he was holding what looked like a takeout bag.
“Um, hi.” Luke flashed his best and brightest smile. “I don’t know if you remember me. I ummm… I came in yesterday by accident?” His voice went up at the end like a question. Reid just continued to stare bewildered. “I just wanted to apologize again for barging in on you yesterday and bring you this as a peace offering.” The blond held up the bag before stepping towards the bed and rolling the tray over. Setting the bag down he started to take out its contents. “It’s just that I know how bad hospital food is and I was out getting something to eat so I thought you might like a change from the red jell-o and flavorless mush.” He set down a container taking off its lid and Reid almost let out a moan when the smell of chili wafted up to him. The blond then began to unwrap something in foil which turned out to be cornbread. “I hope this isn’t overstepping, I just felt bad for yesterday and… And well I hope you like it. I didn’t know what you would like so I took a chance.” Reid still hadn’t said a word so he decided that he had gone far enough for the day and started to back away towards the door. “Ok well enjoy and sorry again.” Just as Luke was closing the door behind him he heard a whispered ‘thank you’ and knew that he had made some progress. It wasn’t much. Just a slight shift of emotion in Reid’s eyes and the whispered response as he left the room but he would take it. Smiling to himself he made his way down the hall to head back to his hotel so that he could call Katie and update her on the situation.
Reid’s night was once again filled with dreams about the fuzzy faced blond. This time he is walking up to the front door of a house that he is not familiar with. He rings the door bell and waits. The blond answers the door looking none too pleased to see him. For a while he just stands there and glares at him so Reid glares right back never one to back down from a good staring contest. Finally the blond breaks the silence. “What are you doing here?” And Reid can feel the hatred in his words.
“May I come in?” Reid tilts his head to the side a little, quirking his lips on one side thinking that cute was the way to go right now. The kid lets out an exasperated but resolved sigh and moves to the side so that Reid can enter. Once inside Reid turns back to the door where the kid is still standing, “Nice place, you know it’s not as big as I thought it would be.”
“Yeah I bet that you thought that I have someone open my door for me.” The blond folds his arms across his chest, “What do you want?”
The scene seems to fade out a little or fast-forward or whatever happens in dream land because all of a sudden he’s in the middle of an argument and the blonds face is almost red with fury. His head was tilted down towards the floor and his hand went up to his ear, “You know, I think you should leave now.”
Reid makes a little pouty face, “Aww, did I hit a nerve?”
The blonds’ hand comes away from his ear and seems to accentuate every word that comes out of his mouth, “I don’t think that you have any right to talk about a relationship that you know nothing about.”
“I know that he wanted you to leave him alone. What I don’t know is why it took him so long to finally put himself first.”
“You know what? This was my decision. I ended this relationship.” The kid’s hands come up and reach towards him. Gripping him by both arms, the kid pushes him towards the front door, “Now get out of my house.” At first Reid just lets him push but then stops and stands his ground.
“I’ve been pushed around enough for one day Mr. Snyder. I would advise you to take one very big step back.” The funny thing about his words is that all the while of him making his point he is leaning further into the kid so that their faces are only inches apart. Neither of them moves for a while they stand there just like that glaring at each other, the kids hands still gripping him. Then the kid blinks his eyes, swallows, and lets his hands fall to his sides. But still neither of them moves yet. They stand there rooted to those spots eyes locked.
When the door opened around noon he was expecting a nurse and was going to see if he could get something to knock him out but instead it was the blond again. This time he was carrying two cups of coffee. “Oh hi!” He walked in as if this were a normal occurrence taking the seat beside Reid’s bed and handed him one of the cups. “I don’t know if you like coffee but I figured I would take a chance.” Reid took the cup from him and just stared at it. The scent that wafted up to him through hole in the lid smelled sweet like caramel and Reid’s mouth watered. He hadn’t had one of his caramel lattes in a long time. How did this guy know just what he liked? Shrugging it off Reid took a sip. It tasted even better than it smelled. When he lowered the cup again he let out a small sigh and was greeted with a satisfied smirk from the blond. “So what are you in for?” The blond looked at him eyes full of hope and Reid almost let himself go. Almost forgot who he was and opened himself up to this guy. Almost.
Closing himself off again Reid set the cup on his tray and picked up the medical journal he had been reading the first day the blond had disturbed him. The guy’s smile only widened at this and instead of getting up and leaving like Reid had hoped he pulled a book out of his back pocket and started reading as well. Reid’s eyebrows shot up. He couldn’t believe the gall of this guy. Who just comes into someone’s hospital room and makes themselves comfortable? Reid, determined not to let his frustration show went back to his reading. Luke caught the look out of the corner of his eye and had to fight back another smile.
They stayed like that for a little over an hour. Both pretending to be engrossed in what they were reading but too distracted by the other’s presence to absorb anything. Feeling good about the day’s progress Luke got up and headed towards the door. Grasping the handle he turned back to find Reid watching him, “So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Luke didn’t wait for an answer before walking out the door.
That night Reid dreams of the blond again. This time they were trapped in an elevator. The blond whose face was still fuzzy was jumping up and down making the elevator shake. Reid lunges forward grabbing onto the lapels of his jacket and pushes him up against the wall “Do you want us to be smashed to pieces? Stop it!” The blond looks at him with this shocked smile.
“Wow, for someone with nerves of the steel that was pretty extreme.” Reid couldn’t stand that look of amazement on the blonds face.
“What you want me to admit that I’m human? Would that make your day, Mr. Snyder?” The blond tips his head from side to side another smile breaking out.
“It would be a start.”
Reid woke with a jolt breathing heavily as if he had actually been trapped in that elevator. He played the scene over and over again in his mind. Mr. Snyder. That named sounded so familiar. Was he a former patient? Colleague? Classmate? Reid racked his brain but couldn’t place it anywhere. Mr. Snyder. Mr. Snyder. Mr. Snyder. It was like a mantra in his head that just wouldn’t stop. The strange thing was that he wasn’t sure if he wanted it to. Something about that name made him feel safe. He couldn’t get back to sleep after that. The name went around in his head consuming him.
Luke walked into Reid’s room supplies in hand and made his way over to the bed. At this point Luke pretended as if this was the most normal thing in the world and Reid only feigned shock. Luke set the pizza that he had picked up before heading to the hospital down on the side table and then pulled the soul chair in the room up beside the bed. When he sat down he started to dig through his messenger bag for the rest of the supplies. He pulled out a two liter bottle of root beer and a couple of red solo cups and set those on the table as well. Then he pulled out his iPad and started tapping away until he had brought up ‘The Godfather.’ He set the ipad on the bed where they both could see it and then opened the pizza box and took out a slice. Through all of this he hadn’t said a word to Reid and Reid hadn’t said anything to him either. Sitting back in his chair he took a bite of his pizza and peered at Reid out of the corner of his eye. When he saw Reid take a piece of pizza and settle in to watch the movie he smiled before returning his attention to the screen.
Reid though not entirely upset about his room being taken over by some stranger was still a little perplexed by everything that had happened over the last few days. This guy had barged into his room and into his life without an explanation and seemed to know all of his favorites. The chili and cornbread. The caramel late. The pizza and ‘beer’. The Godfather. It’s like this guy was tapping into his brain and accessing those secret hidden away parts of himself that he let very few people see. Part of him thought this should make him feel violated or exposed but somehow he didn’t. Somehow it felt right. And comforting.
Reid has learned not to be surprised now by his nightly encounters in his sleep and just lets himself get carried away to this other world that never seems to stop turning. This time he’s standing next to the blond and they are back in the hospital corridor. He is leaning slightly over his shoulder as the blond is showing him what look like blueprints. His first instinct is to argue with the kid. To make everything as difficult as it can be but then he looks again and purses his lips. The blond turns to look at him, mouth slightly open wondering why he has stopped his little tirade, “What?”
“You know that’s not a terrible idea. Maybe you are not going to be as useless on this project as I thought.” The kid lets out a small gasp as he smiles.
“Well gee doctor. That’s just about the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” And now the kid is full on smiling and Reid can’t help it but he is too. He even lets out a small chuckle as they both look down at the floor for a second before they look back up eyes connecting. They stand there for a few seconds just reveling in the moment they just had when they are interrupted by a dark haired squinty kid who seems to be the same age as the blond.
When Reid wakes he can’t get that smile out of his head. It is blinding and consuming and pulls at his heart the way nothing ever has before. He thinks for a few moments that he has seen it before but then lets it go. If he had he would remember it. There was no way that he could forget the feeling of seeing that smile and knowing it was all for him.
Reid can’t help but wonder about this blond from his dreams. Their relationship seems to be progressing as if it were a movie or a soap opera. He could definitely notice less hostility felt for the guy and more of something else. Something almost unrecognizable. Something he wasn’t used to feeling.
Wanting to forget it for the time being Reid picked up the iPad that the guy had left with him the day before and starting swiping through the apps looking for something to do. He was contemplating between angry birds and words with friends when the door to his room opened and in walked the blond.
“Hey!” The blond said cheerfully. “How are you feeling today?” He came over and sat in the chair next to the bed and looked at him expectantly.
“Ok, I guess.” Reid was going to leave it at that but something about the blonds’ face seemed so inviting. “I’m hoping I’ll be able to get out of here soon.”
“Oh.” The blonds’ expression went from one extreme to the other clearly not happy with the thought of not having someone to impose his company on anymore. “I guess you’ll be happy to get home then.” Reid narrowed his eyes as if he were trying to pry into the guy’s brain and find out exactly what he was thinking. Most of it was clear on his face but he wanted to know why. He wanted to know why this random stranger barged into his room one day and then just kept coming back. When the blonds’ features softened from his gaze he realized that it didn’t matter. That whatever reasons the guy was here. Whoever had deemed to bless him with this beautiful man’s presence was owed gratitude not questions.
“I’ll be happy to sleep in my own bed and be away from annoying nurses.” Reid hoped that the blond would read into what he wasn’t saying. From the small smile that played at his lips Reid knew that he had. As the blond looked up at him it occurred to him that he had been spending the last several days with him and didn’t even know his name. “So, I know it’s kind of strange to be just asking this now but what’s your name?”
“It’s Lu…” The blond stopped for a second pondering something. “Luciano. My name is Luciano.”
“So you’re Italian?” Reid couldn’t help but repeat the name over and over in his head. There was something that was so hot about it. He thought about how if he could say it out loud he would draw out each syllable letting it roll off of his tongue.
“My dad is. He’s from Malta.”
“My name is Reid, by the way.”
“Reid.” The way that Luke repeated his name made a shiver run down his spine. He said it with such conviction and familiarity. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Title: He's the one I dream of
Warnings: Angsty at times
Word Count: 17,619
Disclaimer: Luke, Reid, or any of the other characters and scenes depicted from ATWT do not belong to me.
Summary: It's nearly 8 months after Luke and Reid have broken up when Luke gets a phone call. Reid who has moved back to Dallas was in an accident and now cannot remember any of his life after going to Oakdale including meeting Luke. The hospital needs him to remember as he was working on some very important studies so they call Bob who suggests that Luke go there and see if he can jog his memory. Luke ends up visiting Reid several times and Reid falls for him all over again. Every night when Reid falls asleep he dreams of a blond that he can't quite make out but what he doesn't know is that they are not dreams they are memories. What happens when Reid remembers everything? How will he react when he figures out that Luke has been lying to him? And how will it all turn out in the end?
Authors Note: Thanks to Bhumi and Traci for working so hard again to make this whole thing happen. And thanks to Jo for the lovely video. Banner was made by me :)
|Sitting||Funny||Smile||Looking Down||Far Away|